THE MOUSE THAT ROARED
A consistent criticism levelled at Como is that they are simply not “Italian” enough to be a bona fide Serie A club. Bankrolled by an Indonesian ciggy manufacturer, their president has helpfully likened their multi-hubbed business model to that of the Walt Disney Company. In Cesc Fàbregas they have a Spanish coach and their starting XI against Lens in Bigger Cup on Wednesday didn’t feature a single Italian. To add insult to injury, they also thrashed their hosts 9-1 in a show of outright vulgarity that will have had Serie A traditionalists gesticulating angrily. Piling on the hurt against already-humiliated opposition has never been the Italian way, unless both teams have formally agreed to it before the game kicks off.
Still, if the Como squad was low on homegrown players, they certainly looked the part upon their arrival at Stade Bollaert-Delelis, stepping off their team coach and inspecting the pitch looking like an escape party from a Milan fashion week runway. Due in no small part to the club’s official partnership with Rome’s haute couture menswear house Brioni, Fàbregas and his globetrotting ensemble looked impossibly stylish in bespoke double-breasted suits, knitted cotton-silk-cashmere long-sleeve polos and soft slip-on nubuck loafers (sans socks, of course), thoughtfully accessorised with designer shades even though it was already practically dark.
While their pitch walk served as an ironic counterweight to domestic football debate, once Como’s players had swapped their designer duds for studs, they reverted to a brand of intense front-foot football that couldn’t have been less catenaccio, leaving their hapless French hosts chasing shadows. The 9-1 [NINE – Football Daily Vidiprinter] victory was the biggest winning margin in Bigger Cup history, with Como’s only dampener on their evening coming in the form of a thunderous volley from Lens’ Ruben Aguilar. To make up for this crushing disappointment, Como’s final two goals were scored by Mattia Liberali and Matteo Papaccioli, a pair of teenage substitutes who could only have been more Italian if they’d celebrated by wheeling away on a couple of Vespas.
Despite being the highest-spending team in Serie A for the past two seasons, Como have pulled off the impressive feat of building a brilliant squad comprised largely of players this email had never heard of until they put Manchester United to the sword a fortnight ago. In Nico Paz, they have a genuine superstar in the making, while their highest-profile summer signings were Trevoh Chalobah and Moise Kean, who were absent from the travelling party due to knack. Despite witnessing his excellent side become only the second team in Bigger Cup history to score nine goals in one game (we’ll save you a Google: Bayern Munich), Fàbregas went full Billy Buzzkill to ensure his players don’t lose the run of themselves.
“It is a wonderful night for Como, for all our fans and many lads here who are at the start of their careers, but they need to keep their feet on the ground [and in their expensive hand-stitched loafers – Football Daily Ed], be humble, keep learning and not think everything will go well from here on,” he harrumphed, before taking time out to lavish praise on one individual. “I’m angry over the goal we conceded, as we changed something in our defending with the three substitutions. Plus it was scored by a former teammate; I played with Ruben Aguilar at Monaco and I told him I’d never seen you score a goal like that before!” It was indeed the pick of the 10, even if clawing proceedings back to 7-1 felt a bit like throwing a pebble at an approaching Death Star. With nine goals, no socks and a furious head coach demanding perfection, Como’s Mickey Mouse Club is beginning to look terrifyingly real.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Simon Burnton and Will Unwin for our all-encompassing Bigger Vase clockwatch – including home games for Sunderland, Crystal Palace and Celtic, plus a trip to Prague for Bournemouth – with kick-offs sprawling between 5.45pm and 8pm (all times GMT).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“To the Portuguese people, the day has come for me to hand back the No 7 shirt of our national team. I never felt it belonged to me alone but for 23 years I had the privilege and the responsibility of wearing it, defending it and carrying it with me into stadiums all around the world. Today the time has come to pass it on to the future. It was not an easy decision because some decisions are not made with the mind alone. They are also made with the heart. A journey that began in August 2003 and changed my life forever has come to an end” – Cristiano Ronaldo says adeus to Portugal, ending an international career that spanned six World Cups and included a European title and the men’s all-time scoring record. His time with the national team finished with him walking out after falling out with head coach, Jorge Jesus.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
With Rafael Nadal joining the board of Real Madrid (yesterday’s Quote of the Day), there is surely an opportunity for AFC Wimbledon to appoint a star or two who have graced SW19. Perhaps John McEnroe or Ilie Nastase could help restore the club’s Crazy Gang ethos in the boardroom” – Dexter O Riordan.
I must say, I am enjoying hearing about Mikel Arteta’s scrapbooking hobby. I will be on the lookout for his YouTube videos” – Pat Condreay.
Can I be one of your 1,057 correspondents to point out that this business of paper/velcro/body paint to prevent shirt-grabbing has been raised before? The Cameroon team famously wore a one-piece, skin-tight kit (the Puma UniQT) during the 2004 Africa Cup of Nations. Naturally, since lots of referees don’t think shirt-pulling is a foul, and certainly not worthy of a penalty, Fifa immediately banned it” – James Wilkinson (and no others).
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day goes to … James Wilkinson, who wins a copy of Programmes! by Richard Crooks. It’s out now and available to buy on the Pitch Publishing website. Terms and conditions for our competitions are here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Wrap your ears around the latest episode of Football Weekly, with Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning, Lars Sivertsen and Jonathan Liew pouring over the midweek Bigger Cup action and looking forward to the weekend. Oh, and you can also watch the podcast right here.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Family, friends and teammates have gathered in the village of Navahermosa for the funeral of Tenerife striker Jesús de Miguel, who died following an on-field collision during their game with FC Andorra. “Feeling so much affection for Jesús and seeing the impact he had on so many people is something we will always carry with us,” said his family in a statement.
Japan FA’s head Kozo Tashima has lobbed his hat in the ring to stand against Gianni Infantino for the Fifa overlord role in March’s election.
Fifa, the mavericks, have floated the possibility of restricting women’s Olympic football to under-23s only, potentially starting from the Brisbane Games in 2032.
In an astonishing misunderstanding of anatomy, David Raya wants Arsenal’s penalty shootout pain from last season’s Bigger Cup final “to be in our veins” as the Gunners seek to go one better this time around.
Andoni Iraola isn’t a happy bunny after Liverpool conjured less-favourable Istanbul memories in an error-strewn 3-2 defeat at Fenerbahce, despite the Reds being 2-1 up with 21 minutes remaining. “Cheap goals, messy goals,” huffed the head coach.
Erling Haaland settled a 3-2 thriller in Manchester City’s favour at RB Leipzig and elsewhere, Federico Valverde hammered in a 92nd-minute winner for Real Madrid as his side came from behind twice at AEK Athens.
Harry Edward ‘Ballon d’Or’ Kane has extended his stay at Bayern Munich until 2029, the year he will turn 36. “I feel right at home. I love the club, the fans and the city,” he beamed.
And Scott Parker’s debut in the West Ham dugout proved to be a lively affair as the Londoners came back from 3-0 down to rescue a draw at Cardiff. “As you can imagine, it was a difficult half-time talk,” Parker chortled.
FUN & GAMES IN SOUTH AMERICA DEPT
From Ronaldinho at the Rio Carnival to R9’s infamous trip to the barbers in 2002, Brazilians are not often described as the masters of understatement. So hats off to Fernando Patrick Drosghic Modesto, a Brazilian referee who described “an incident” during an under-20s state championship semi-final match between Uberlândia and Mamoré that he was officiating as nothing more than “a generalised brawl”. The exact details are slightly more revealing: 53 red cards – a new world record for most dismissals in a single game, which saw 43 players, eight members of coaching staff and two Uberlândia board members sent off. The furore was sparked by Mamoré’s Davi taunting opponents while celebrating his extra-time goal, which Uberlândia did not take with greatest grace. “Owing to all the turmoil and the lack of security, I declared the match ended,” sighed Drosghic Modesto, who did at least inform the police of threats made against him and of Mamoré’s team vandalising the dressing room. Good news for fans of integrity, though, Uberlândia announced on Wednesday they would be forfeiting the second leg in a “gesture of fair play”, which means Mamoré qualify for the final. Whether they can find 11 players that aren’t suspended remains to be seen, mind.
MOVING THE GOALPOSTS
In our sister newsletter, Alex Ibaceta talks to Clara Serrajordi, Barcelona’s midfield hope filling the void left by Alexia Putellas. Have a read here and if you want Moving the Goalposts in your inbox twice a week, sign up here.
STILL WANT MORE?
Jonathan Wilson waves goodbye to the international career of Cristiano Ronaldo.
FC Sevastopol’s promotion to the third tier in Russia offers an important test of Uefa and Fifa’s appetite to punish the country’s integration of teams from illegally occupied Ukrainian territory. Nick Ames delves in.
Billions in revenue proves Fifa was doing some stuff right related to the Geopolitics World Cup – but only on the things it cares about, notes Leander Schaerlaeckens.
The international break is almost here: so wave goodbye to your players, and maybe your manager, writes Max Rushden.
Please enjoy Jeff Rueter’s review of this week’s Bigger Cup action, which featured comebacks, thrashings and a Mauritanian first.
Bournemouth’s calm attitude to iffy early results this season is now paying off handsomely under Marco Rose, reckons Ryan Benson.
And is there anything you would like to ask Terry Butcher? If you have a question, drop it in the form here and we will put it to him.
MEMORY LANE
On this day in 1969, Emlyn Hughes earned his first of 62 caps in England’s 1-0 friendly victory over the Netherlands in Amsterdam. In the run-up to his debut, here is the 22-year-old Crazy Horse (right of picture) at training alongside Alan Mullery. Featuring a late Colin Bell winner, the game kickstarted an international career that lasted until 1980, and both overlapped with and preceded his two stints as a high-pitched giggling, V-neck jumper-and-shirt-uniformed team captain on the BBC’s A Question of Sport. Earlier this week, 247 items of Hughes-related memorabilia including shirts, caps and medals were auctioned in Liverpool, with his cap from that first England appearance being snapped up for a mere £1,700. His first European Cup winner’s medal fetched £40,000, while a shirt from Liverpool’s 1977 final victory was among the most-prized items, hitting £56,000 – while a Hamburg shirt he swapped with former teammate Kevin Keegan in the 1977 Super Cup went for £65,000. Sadly November was also the month Hughes left us prematurely – Monday will see the 22-year anniversary of his death at the age of 57.
